Does anyone else going through this process feel like when you contact your social worker - by email or phone or smoke signals - that it is like pulling teeth to get any information from them or you are creating a major imposition by asking for an update?
Andy & I finally got some feedback on 1 of the 5 children we have been referred for. Yes, we have been referred for 5 different children - beginning at the end of April/beginning of May. No, we do not know where we really stand with the other 4 children - it's like once you tell your social worker to refer you for a child, then your info falls into some kind of black hole or abyss. The child in question is a little girl who's social worker was to have made a decision - matched the child with a forever family - on July 16...oh, how nervous I was that Wednesday & Thursday. Then, by Friday we assumed we had not been chosen b/c we had not heard anything. So, to make a long story short, we got an email this past Thursday from our social worker saying she had finally talked to a colleague who had talked to the little girl's social worker - NO DECISION HAS BEEN MADE!!! And, now the foster parents are considering adopting the little girl. BUT, the social worker still wants to consider other families BUT has to get permission from her supervisor. This process is frustrating!! Not to mention the fact that the info we had been given indicated the foster family WAS NOT interested in adoption. I am waiting on clarification from our social worker on the foster family that is considering adoption - the little girl is with her 2nd foster family, so I am unsure if it is the 1st or 2nd family that has now been made "a party of interest" or other similar term.
My friend Kristi (see shaw6pak blog) hit the nail on the head on her blog, talking about how long it is between the times you receive information and the attitude you get from your social worker. But, come on...we want to be parents; we want a child in our lives - a child who's gonna make us laugh, cry, be silly, play dress-up, sing, finger-paint, pull the cat's tail, think their daddy is a riot, love to watch the birds on the birdfeeders, love the Wolfpack as much as momma does, and who will be a great joy & blessing to us. So, it really sucks when you get attitude either in a phone conversation or email about when you will hear (or no mention of when you will hear) from your social worker again. I think I'm gonna try Kristi's tactic & call our social worker from now on when I am told decisions are to be made, etc. If I don't initiate the exchange of information, then who will?
3 comments:
Hey therer girl. Man do I feel your pain. This process should have a warning label before you ever begin the paper work. Not that anyone us of would change our minds. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to pick at LaTasha's brain this far into everything? Boy I have some questions. I pray that you hear concrete information soon and even better than you have your child/children in your home very soon. Stay strong Meg, don't let the process steal your joy. I know it's hard I fail and restart quite often. We just have to keep encouraging one another.... we've come along way babie!~~~~Kristi
One more thing. I call our social worker about every Thursday. That is the only way I get any information. When were were selected as one of the three families, I called her just to check in. It was huge news and she had known for 2-3days. Hmmm, ever think to call us? Nope. Typically I will email her on Tuesday, (don't want to get lost in the abyss of a Monday) and then if I don't hear back I will call on Thursday. Never call on Friday because, well it's Friday. Who wants to open new conversation or leads on a Friday. See I actually have a method to the madness. But, like JJ has told me, she knows that I will call and I will be asking for answers and to be honest it has been better that way. I tell her it is easier for to remember to call her, I have one social worker. She has many families. See I am actually doing her a favor. ;)
Hang in there! We have been referred for close to 20 children over the past year and we are still... waiting. I call my social worker every other week to check in and remind her that we are alive and waiting! Try to busy yourself with other things so that you dont think on it too much or it will drive you CRAZY! Trust me, I have been there, I am there :)
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